I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
