Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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