it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
