It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
