I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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