did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
