Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
