Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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