you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
