it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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