I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Green mimosas i think yes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
