You really coming over, don't trick.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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