when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
