I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
