you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
