I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
