K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
