She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
