i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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