and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
