The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
