I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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