New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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