His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i think im in europe. pls send help
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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