I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
