best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
