so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
