Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
