Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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