a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
