She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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