No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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