dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
