I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to make a zoo with you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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