So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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