I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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