you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
