I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
