Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
