i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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