i don't plan on having that self control this summer
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
