Just cropdusted the office
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she told me i tasted like america
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
