Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
