Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
