he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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