party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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