Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
