Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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