Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
