I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
