Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
