My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
