the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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