her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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