Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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