I love black thongs
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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