you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
