ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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