yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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