i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
