Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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