Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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