I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
