We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
