Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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