a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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