he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I could fuck to npr.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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